The LAST Year of My 20s

Well I’m back again…back on my grind with the blog. I’m really proud that I have a rhythm back. When you really enjoy doing something, and it actually HELPS your progress, it makes you feel amazing to be on your ish! LOL

As most of you know, I’m approaching 29! I can’t even believe that I typed that, much less will be experiencing it in 14 days!! I used to think 25 was old, and now, I don’t even remember what I did at 25! LOL. I’ve promised myself that this year, the last year of my 20s, will be EPIC. I want to do things that will be memorable for a lifetime, pray like I’ve never prayed before, and be the best ME I can be. I don’t want to spend this last year of my 20s filled with “shoulda coulda woulda.” I want to make this one count…not that I haven’t tried to do this in past years, but I figured out what was really holding me back….M-E. I have been holding myself back from actually experiencing life for a long time now. Unlike most people, I know exactly the date and time that I stopped living my life…April 4, 2008, 9:49am. That’s the day that Miss Faye (the best damn mother this side of creation) went to be with God. On that day, my life stopped being important. Of course I wanted to continue living, but I misplaced the word “living” for simply existing. Every day that I could wake up, get out of the bed, and complete tasks without a complete emotional breakdown was a day well lived. Happiness was misplaced with complacency, and my joy was gone. As each day pressed forward, I was able to begin to put the pieces back together, and there were times where I laughed, and FELT happy, but I looking back on those years, I held back. I held back on life because I didn’t want to be TOO happy, because my best friend wasn’t here (physically) to enjoy my happiness with me. I didn’t want to rock the boat too much and actively pursue my joy, because who would tell me “You are my favorite daughter, I love you so much?” I needed to hear that, because that is what made me want MORE. If I’m honest with myself, I STILL need to hear that. But now, I understand that I can STILL hear that…from my HEAVENLY FATHER. I serve a God that has comforted me, wiped my tears, soothed my ailments, disciplined me when I was wrong, and most importantly, called me HIS OWN. (Excuse me while I shout)

So it’s time for me to start LIVING again. I have to live so that I can do and be what is laid out for me. I have to live this year like no other, because I’ve been blessed abundantly. I have to take this final year of my 20s as a time to recount every lesson I learned, every time I repeated that lesson, and each time I forgot what I learned the first time. No, I don’t want perfection, but I do want to be better than I was before. This final year of my 20s is going to be the year that I discover what I should have been doing!

On my short list of things for this last year:

• Move to a new city (see my previous blog)
• Go back to NYC (Me and Mom’s favorite city to visit)
• Become a red-head (or some variation thereof…..blonde is fun, let’s see what red will be like)
• LIVE