Surprise Attack

They say that when it rains it pours…..well I feel like the last 24 hours of my life has been a monsoon! I’ve always been a sensitive person, so I’m not surprised that I’m easily swayed by someone else’s emotions (I’m the person that will cry with you, just at the sight of you crying…LOL). But I thought I was a big girl….that I could pretty much handle whatever came my way! After the death of my mother, I realized that there was no greater pain that I would ever feel, and if I could survive that, then everybody else could bring their best shot…and I’d be the last woman standing. But in feeling confident that no one could really ever hurt me again, I let my guard down. And BAM! I got a surprise attack…not from the Enemy, but from someone very, very real, someone that I’ve loved my whole life. Why is it that the people that are closest to you, can hurt you so badly?

I don’t understand people. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t get how people operate. I don’t know how the mind can convince you of something that doesn’t really exist. But what I really don’t understand is how grief operates. I’ve written before about the different stages of grief, and how they affected ME. But what I don’t get his how grief affects other people. So hats off to the counselors and doctors that guide people through grief, because that’s a big bad ugly wolf to slay. I know in my own grief, I felt a lot of internal hurt, and I was angry at God, but I didn’t push that on to other people. So now that I see someone’s grief causing them to be angry at other people, I’m baffled. Maybe it’s not for me to understand, and that’s ok.

But what I won’t be is your victim. I experience the same grief that you experience, so we can grieve together. But again, I’m not going sit by, and let you lash out at me because you don’t know what else to do. I did nothing to you, but love you. I’ve tried to love you despite it all. So now, I have to put a lot of space between us. For my own sanity, I have part ways. I pray that one day, things will be different. Until then, I hope you find peace.