Knowing Your Limits

Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine, and I mentioned that I didn’t have any desire to date a professional athlete. I’d just watched “NBA Wives” on E! and there were far MORE UNHAPPY endings than happy endings. I’m good…I’ll pass. She went on to tell me that some of her friends were dating/marrying athletes, and they weren’t all bad. She has also dated an athlete (both in college, and after he went pro), and things did not go so well. Yet, still she said he was a good guy, but they weren’t right for each other. I immediately pointed out to her all the things that tipped the scale for her ex from “good guy” to “not-so-good guy”, and she told me my standards were TOO HIGH, and at some point, I’d have to put up with SOMETHING. She followed that up with “you will be single forever”.

Initially, I was like, yeah, ok, whatever, but then, I really thought about it. She was right…I would have to put up with something, but shouldn’t I get to pick what that something is? Isn’t it my right to say “No, this is unacceptable, I will not tolerate….”? Now I come from a family of women who are completely NO NONSENSE. When it comes to foolishness, we have very short attention spans, and even worse, if drama ensues, you will most likely get cussed out AND cut off. I can recall my Nanny having a boyfriend that I really liked. He was nice to me, very polite and respectful to my family, just an overall good guy…..and then he cheated and got caught. He was not invited to family gatherings, he did not come over anymore…he was done…Nanny put her foot down, and down it stayed. So when you see that type of behavior growing up, that is what you know. It is what you come to believe as truth. So no, cheating is not something that I think I can tolerate. I say “think” because I’ve never known an instance where I’ve been cheated on. I’ve really only had one serious relationship, so my numbers aren’t that high to begin with. But even if they were, I don’t think I could tolerate that.

I think what really got my attention is how many women I see settling for less than what they require, just to say “he’s mine….I have a man”. Ok, then what? Sure it’s nice to have someone on your arm, and it’s great to have “date night”, but if he’s not what you really want/need, then it’s all smoke and mirrors…an illusion. As women, I believe we need to stop settling, and start evaluating. I’m not saying you need to have a “mythical checklist” (shout out to Jozen for his blog on this topic…www.untiligetmarried.com) of what he should have, but you need to know what you will/will not tolerate. I observe my friends’ relationships, and I see the interaction between the couples…for the most part, I aspire to have relationships like they have…but even with them, I see things that I don’t think I can handle…and I put those things in my memory. And I’m not getting ready so I can turn someone down…I’m preparing myself to be able to pick out the “right one”. See, I already know what “wrong” looks like…LOL…I’ve gotten some experience in that department, so my theory is that “right” will stick out like a sore thumb. But even in seeing “right”, I believe that I owe it to myself to know my limits.

So for now, I’m still single….and that’s ok….I’m exploring my limits.