"In Between"

After much soul searching, I finally broke down and joined Facebook! (LOL). For the longest time, I proclaimed that Facebook was the DEVIL, mainly because all of the users I knew were completely and totally addicted. I’m already a “Crackberry” addict, so I didn’t need anything else to check. But, I did it anyway. To my surprise, there were some folks out there looking for me…..people I hadn’t seen since high school or before. It was cool to see what they looked like now, where they worked……If they had gotten their act together (we all know some people that just don’t want to grow up!) But what shocked me the most was all the people that I knew that were MARRIED. Almost all of the female friends that I found from high school had a hyphenated last name! Initially, I didn’t really pay attention to it, but one day, I started thinking about where I was in life, and the plans that God has for me…..and I realized that I felt like I was in this “in between” stage in life. I’m still single and enjoying it, but the desire to be married, and have children is getting stronger by the day! I felt like I was “in between” contentment with my current situation and the desire to be in relationship (marriage) with someone.

I’m very blessed to have a mixture of friends. I have quite a few friends that are both single and married. It’s very funny when we all get together, because the married friends are always telling the single friends to “stay single”. Now the irony in that is none of them, not one, is filing divorce papers, so clearly, SOMETHING IS GOOD about married life. So there it is once again….this “in between”….to be single and live it up, or to be “wifed up” and settled? Some days, I feel one or the other, some days I feel both, and some days, my head hurts from just thinking about it all.

I’m only 27 years old, (28 soon….LOL), which is still considerably young for society standards, but I always thought I’d be married by now. I’m not sure who’s gauge I was using to determine the “proper” time for God to bless me with a husband, but I all I knew was that the plan was NOT to be single for this LONG! LOL. I keep telling myself that God is either preparing me or He’s preparing my husband, but either way, I’m getting ANXIOUS. It’s very possible that the plan for me is NOT to be married….and that’s a bit scary to take in for me. I guess this is where my faith in God and Him knowing what’s best for me comes into play.

Still, I can’t help but wonder…..where’s my hyphen? Is he out there? Is someone going to come into my life, and uplift me? Am I going to be the wife and mother that I aspire to be? The kind of wife and mother that my mother was? And should I be worried about any of this now? At what age, should I be “nervous?” This “in between” thing is really amazing!!!

One Sunday at my church, a guest speaker said “If you are married, thank God that someone is willing to put up with you, and if you are single, thank God that you don’t have to put up with NOBODY!” I guess I should be grateful about not having to put up with anybody……but I still hope and pray for the day that I can say “He gets on my NERVES!!!” Until then, I’m still hangin “in between”…………..